Me and My Bed Have a Complicated Relationship

So today is going on the beginning of 2 weeks down. When I am so bad that I can’t really move the best place for me is my bed, when I’m tried and want to cuddle up at night, I go to my bed. But when you spend most of your day in your bed, you began to not like your bed so much. My husband bought me a couch with a pull out bed specifically for me to be able to hangout downstairs more with the family. I think I will be moving myself down there today. I tell myself if I have to be in pain and in bed all the time I at least want to look cute.. well even that is hard to commit to. I pray I can have the ability to put makeup on for my husband today. I wish I can just call a delivery guy to go shopping for me, pick up hot chicken with side and paper plates, and bam, there would be dinner for my man when he gets home. I feel so bad for him, ya know.. Got’s this cute lil wife, that they do everything together, and wham, now she’s not really the woman she was. The day I last seen my Dr was my first day down like this in a while about a month it seemed before that I was able to cook about 2-3 meals in a week! Not anything fancy, but something. I was able to be out of bed for 4 hrs at a time! off and on of course but for the most part able to hangout with family, be next to the kids during school, I pushed myself out of bed this morning to try to make coffee for my husband. Oh, how bad the pain was, just limping and taking small strides. My breathing patterns struggling to be consonant through the pain. It’s good for me to move, that’s one thing I’ve learned through this, I got to keep moving forward, even if it’s pushing myself to make coffee. My older kids have tag-teamed to help my little one get his school finished. They are such good help to me. They take on a full load since the accident. I know when I ask for my water bottles to be filled, ice packs, ibprophin, or something to eat throughout the day has got to be hard, but they just keep helping me with smiles on there face, I do hear at times a sigh, or the kids adding “it’s your turn” and of course if it gets to annoying I push myself more to do what I need. 20150904_112117But my family cares for me so well. I’m truly thankful. I do not know how anyone who is alone could endure this and really even take care of themselves, I can’t even carry in groceries, drive most days, and barley even get to the store. I’m happy if I can sit for 20 minutes straight without having to lay down directly afterward. If I didn’t have my family I don’t know what I would do. I would definitely need full time help. I pray for anyone in that situation and would love to be your online partner to help bless and encourage you through this season. Just email me or private message me on Facebook at https://m.facebook.com/healingthroughthepain101?tsid=0.4850753101054579&source=typeahead
Please continue to pray for me, for a fast healing and to be able to get back up and back into my life.

My Chronic Pain Story

Hey everyone! I wanted to start this blog not only for me but for the world. I am a chronic pain patient and suffer after a car accident that has left me with a completely different life then I had. I have gone through so many crazy events in my life and I have to say this accident was the worst. Lord willing I will continue to get better. There was a time that I could not get up from the couch or bed for more than 80% of my days and worse on bad days. There was a time where I was literally in my room for 2 1/2 months in the dark. Ya, pretty sucky. I would have to say that was the lowest part of my life.

The time where you say this is enough. I can’t live like this anymore! Let God take me home. Be merciful to myself. I even talked about going to Canada for a medical compassion help to go home to the Lord.

I know sounds like that is really bad, but there is one thing I have learned through all of this and that is pain has no mercy! I have from then gotten with a great pain specialist who got me on track and now I am not better but I have been able to go to an actual movie house 2 times in the last two months! Yay, that is so exciting to me. I can be with my family downstairs now. My nervous system isn’t so out of wreck that I have to wear my sunglasses everywhere in the house, watching TV, and all.

I use do so many things that obviously I cannot do now, like walking to the waterfalls with my kids and husband (they went off to do this today). But God has shown me a new love for things I can do like painting, I am not the best by any means, in fact, I paint like a 3rd grader ..lol. but it is so much relief and when I paint my pain receptors are out of mind. In other words it brings my pain levels down. I would urge anyone who suffers from pain to start this journey. Beware that when you stop though your pain receptors kick in to high gear so set a timer to be sure you take your medication exactly on time.

I have also adored DIY on Pinterest. I absolutely love anything rustic or what they call now shabby chic I always thought chic was he y that s a cool chic, but I guess its chic as in the a chic looking dress. I know confusing right..lol.. anyway that’s why I decided on lilshabbychic for this site cause well I consider myself a chic..I have started (when my body will allow) doing my own DIY projects and am excited to sell them on my new ETSY shop lilshabbyshack , Yep I have been initiated into my own store.. FUN. I really am excited, because you know; as a chronic pain sufferer there really isn’t much you can get excited about. This is giving me a new joy in my life. Also, having one out of work in the house hold can cause even more stress which if you didn’t know adds to pain levels 😦 I started to write again, I use to write children stories when I was a kid and decided, “Well maybe I’ll start again, self-publish and well who knows maybe I’ll become a star..lol… no but who knows maybe it’ll help bring some cash flow into the home so my husbands backpack is not so full. I know me being in pain the way I am hurts him so bad, it hurts my children, it hurts our marriage, but I know God has a plan, maybe it’s you reading my story?? Who knows? Thank you for reading my first post. I have a story that’s fur sure and as you follow me you will see my good days and my bad days. You’ll hear very sad stories in my life and amazing ones. I look forward to hopefully bringing you a new prospective on your trials in life and pain if you are a fellow suffer.

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The Pain How it started

I have been in pain for longer then I have ever thought I would and worse of all it may be permanent. I was in a car accident in April 2014. We were hit at a stop light and the other driver was going about 50mph, hit us from behind, his whole front end was up to his steering wheel, our vehicle was totaled our Santa Fa didn’t look as bad as theirs. All that force went straight into me. I Remember hearing the sirens and could barley lift my seat up, I was dazzed for a long time, I actually thought i was going to die. All i wanted to do is call my kids to tell them i loved them. I knew right away I had a head  injury. The pain was so bad at the very top of my head. It hurt so bad I had to just hold it so tight. From the middle if my back up to my neck I could feel striking pain, soon my whole face was beet red and so hot, my husband kept telling me or was adrenaline. The ambulance asked if i wanted to go to the hospital, i wanted to and felt i needed to go, but i did not have insurance and didnt want to add any stress to mu husband. Fearfully I said no, I did end up going the next morning when I couldn’t even lift my head off the pillow. They scanned me for a fractured neck and then just patted me on the back and say here is some pain medicine follow up with your doc, well 7 days later i did follow up with my doctor, they has me see the nurse practitioner and she just seen how far i could turn and replied pain meds. Said come back in 30 days if I’m not feeling better. I was so shocked how no one really cared for my injuries. In fact after 3 weeks i was able to barley not be dizzy enough to drive again, i decided to find the closest chiropractor in hopes of help. He started to ask me questions like if i was having issues remembering or irritable or cant come up with words , and so on. my brain was so bad i couldn’t even wright my name on the papers. my husband had to do all that. I didn’t even know how to sign my name. Scary, I should not have been driving in fact i took a cab many times through the next 2 months. I couldn’t recognize my youngest child or  about 2 in half months, couldn’t remember what i had just said before till around September, then still having memory issues slowly i have been getting better in memories. I still struggle getting words in my mind, thinking of shopping lists, dinners, and can only do about 4 math grade problems before my mind crashes and i need to lay down.  That’s the thing with pain, you never know when your body is going to heal. You just keep hoping it’ll be soon. My pain is wide spread. After my accident  I have 5 bulging discs, 3 cervical, 2 lumber. My facet  in the middle of my back completely popped,  neck protrusion, 2 annular tears, TMJ.. and the worse of all a head injury that leaves me with debilitating headaches daily and post concussion syndrome, If y’all don’t know what that is, it comes with a list of issues that impact your everyday life. Things as simple as putting different ideas together to make dinner. All I see is individual items not a meal. Trying to figure out a shopping list. I cant even be left on my own at times in the store cause I forget why I’m there and where to go next. After another month passed I went back to the Doctors and demaded an actual Dr. when he seen me and heard all my symptoms he sent me in for a cat scan on the brain, it was really hard going to the Dr.s cause they ask you simple stuff like whats going on. And I cant even remember why I’m there. After a couple more months i got better and preparing and wrote down what i needed to say, well my family had to write it down for me. cause even sitting down wanting to make a list of what i want to say, i could think of anything. Like i forgot even what i forget. Very frustrating, me and my husband had such a hard time the first couple months. i know my husband got a concussion too but just not as bad, but he had a hard time, he didn’t get a chance to take a break to heal, we own our business and he’s the only worker, no insurance, he had to just keep going. It wasn’t until after 3 months of going back to t he Dr. he said you should be better by now, lets do a MRI and when I went back to see results he sent me to a pain specialist. He knew I was damaged and it wasn’t a normal accident where you can get better quickly, he also sent me to physical therapy and I did that or over 7 months, well till i had no more money. They started doing dry needling which helped my trigger points settle down, unfortunately, i was the patient  that had to keep doing it. most her patients got better after a couple sessions.  I have gone to specialists to see if surgery can help due to my extreme burning pain down both arms and all through back muscles and down legs at times too, but unfortunately the way my accident was instead of a surgery fix, getting a bulge off my nerves, mine have been ripped and torn, where there is no fix.  My  pain medicine is as high as I can go without losing my function and not vomiting. With this I’m still left in lots of pain, pretty much can’t do much of anything at all. In fact, if I can get up and make coffee for my husband I’m thanking God for that moment:) I have a goal with my Doctor. To be able to cook dinner at least 2 nights a week, be able to sit next to my kids and help them with homework, and have sex with my man 2 times a week. I’d like to say this goal is met, but honestly it’s not. There are weeks when I have met these goals but not always and in fact Maybe only 1 week out of the month I do. I had to double my meds one month cause It got so bad that I was in a dark room, bed ridden for 2 1/2 months, at this point I realized enough with the bad  pain medicine outlook. For so long I tried  to take as less as I could so I could be healthier, I’d say,  but in reality it made me worse. With my head  injury I have extreme light and noise sensitivities, it gets worse with stress and  pain, pretty soon my nervous system was so overloaded that I had to be in a dark room for what seemed like forever. Anyway, upping my does was the best thing I could have done for me and my family. I really don’t want to up it again, but lately my left arm has been so bad I can’t hardly lift it up, shooting deep pain from to to fingers, palm, and wrists. Oh did I mention through ask this all my trigger points became inflamed and now refer pain to each-other constantly. If you see me in a conversing I’m always pushing on some kind of trigger paint to try to help it to stop, then this after about 6 months moved into a more complicated case of fybromyalgia, a condition normally off another condition that carries pain to every part of your body, it’s so bad that you literally can’t walk at times.

So now when people ask me if I’m better, I’m not. But I have come to agreement with myself that this is the new me, I cannot do what I use to but I can be someone. Someone who still wants to do things, wants to be inspired, someone who wants to make a difference, someone who wants to continue to share Gods word.

I really don’t want my life to be a sob story. I want my life back and that’s what I’m trying to do. I really wish I would have started this blog a long time ago, but well I couldn’t even now i feel i may let you down in being able to write. Even this post took 3 days. Pray for me and I will for you too.